Where did the time go? How did the year disappear so fast? It was a year that for me, like for so many that I know, "beat me up". It chewed me up, spit me out, and stomped all over me... Yet, here I am, at the beginning of another new year... Still Standing... despite all the turmoil, fear and uncertainty that surrounded me, I am triumphant ... through it all I found "pieces of me" that I never knew existed and I face this New Year with "new eyes", "new hopes", "new desires", and new journeys to map out while navigating the inevitable storms - internal and external - that will undoubtedly come my way.
Why, with a year like that did I not keep that promise to myself, to make the time to write???? There always seemed to be one reason or another.... ultimately though, they all amount to nothing more than excuses. Why don't I value myself enough to make time for me? Why is it that I only see my value/worth in the results of making time for everyone else? I wonder.... Had I taken the time out to write, would the journey of the past year been any easier? any less traumatic when faced by the trauma that brought me to my knees? any less sad when the sands of time ran out for special people I held dear? any less scary when I had to jump back on the medical "roller coaster", full force, with Zachary? any more special, had I taken the time to record & reflect on the special moments that shone through the chaos?.... I guess I can't really know what effects it would have had, had I taken the time, because that time passed me by, without my recording a single word or reflecting on a single thought/feeling... But, as I begin the journey of this new year, I can renew my resolve to "make time for me", and attempt, again, to grasp onto the "calm" that does occasionally shine through the chaos.
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